How Change Can Transform Us
Photo by Daniel Lloyd Blunk-Fernández on Unsplash
“Transformation is a process, and as life happens there are tons of ups and downs. It’s a journey of discovery.”
~ Rick Warren
Whether you’re a person who craves change, or someone who tries to avoid it at all costs, sooner or later we all have to go through it. Even when transitions are of our own choosing, we can have big emotions about them.
It’s normal to waffle and delay at the start, and be enthused one day and panicked the next.
As I’ve mentioned before, I have several friends who are in the middle of big life transitions right now. Whether it’s starting a new relationship, ending an old one that’s no longer working, or moving to a more suitable home, there’s anxiety, excitement, indecision, and fear involved.
I find myself reassuring them that no matter what they are feeling as they are engaged in transforming their lives, it’s okay.
The range of emotions they describe seems similar to my own when riding rollercoasters in my youth...the anticipation of the slow climb, the shock of the sudden drop, and the few moments of calm at the bottom before the next climb begins.
Just like being on a rollercoaster, the emotions surrounding change ebb and flow depending on the stage of the transition — or part of the ride — you’re on.
I grew up blocks from Willow Grove Park north of Philadelphia, one of the largest amusement parks in the world in its heyday. Our annual end-of-the-year school picnics were held there in the ‘60s. It’s slogan was “Life is a lark, at Willow Grove Park.” (It’s amazing how those jingles you learned in childhood can stick with you.)
While the park itself was a lark for me, with picnic groves, landscaped walking paths, a lake for boating, and a pavilion for concerts, the rides were not. A trepidatious child who had the ability to imagine the danger inherent in any activity, I remember the terrible deliberation — to ride or not — before finally yielding to peer pressure. And then, having made the decision, feeling the slightest bit of excitement while waiting in line. But as soon as I got on the ride, that feeling devolved into sheer terror.
Thankfully, at some point when I was young, a kind teacher taught me to breathe out as you are speeding downhill to counteract the uncomfortable feelings in your chest, which helped.
But even as an adult with grandkids at the perfect ages for theme parks, roller coasters still intimidate me. Part of it is that I never know what to expect. Unlike some of my adrenaline-junkie family members, the thrill for me is when the ride is over and I realized I’ve survived. There is a certain je ne sais quoi that comes with facing your fears.
I think the most difficult thing about making a dramatic life alteration is that we don’t know for sure how things are going to work out.
I wrote a few weeks ago about the challenges of being in that “not knowing” period, akin to the “slow climb” part of a coaster. It’s normal to feel trepidation as we look ahead to the future and wonder not only what will happen, but also how we will react.
But we tend to forget that when we get there, we will not be the same person we were at the start.
Once we embark on the path of change, as we meet the challenges that come our way and make the difficult but necessary decisions required by our circumstances, we are transformed. Very often, without realizing it, we arrive at our destination a stronger, wiser, and more confident version of ourselves. Only then do we remember that things have a way of working out, and often our fears turn into joys as we forge ahead.
A couple of my friends are in the final stages of their transitions, and I sense both excitement and relief in them. I’m so proud of them for the decisions they’ve made, the chances they’ve taken, and the courage they’ve displayed.
Although we get to choose whether or not to ride roller coasters, we have no choice when it comes to dealing with the “vicissitudes of life,” as my dad used to put it. To live in the modern world requires constant adaptation.
Change is unsettling. The best way to move through it is to embrace the thrill of the ride, breathe through it, and know that a new adventure awaits us at the end.
If you’re facing an important decision about your future, here are some posts that might help you to evaluate whether now is the time to act:
Remember that you are far more capable than you think, and that you might just like the “new you” who arrives at your next landing place.
Best of luck to you!
Affectionately,
Elaine